i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
