I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
