That's intense
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
as a side note pls kill me
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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