i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
