I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
we're so committed to being not committed
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
