my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
