i just wanna soil my oats bro
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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