I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Randomize
