U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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