You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
