3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
