5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
