He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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