I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
If its not for food we ain't going out.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
