seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
