Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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