Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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