i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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