You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
