She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
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New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
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it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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