if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
