She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
