There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Randomize
