I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Come share oat with me in your robe
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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