My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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