So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
