I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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