Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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