"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He better not be in your backpack
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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