Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
