I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
