I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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