don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
