Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
