My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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