i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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