this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
