so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
