Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize