then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Your tits are I can't wait for
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
