I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
