now i know why i became what i already was.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
