Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
