I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
please don't ironically join a cult
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