I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
