you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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