They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Jerry, you need to find god
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
