Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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