i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
