Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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