i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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