Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I am available for nakedness
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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