if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.