the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger