I'm drive I can fine osifer
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
