Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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