the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
