ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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