i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
