Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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