I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Randomize
