On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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