life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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