What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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