In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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