oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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