So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize