I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She even gives head with a lisp.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
